Avoiding The Drift

Oh hey world!

Still here? Wow, amazing. For whatever reason, you chose to come by, I can’t help but say thank you. In the midst of so much going on the digital streets, I am humbled to have your inestimable audience.

It is such a thrill to revive this thought space after weeks of unintended silence and months of not meeting my simple goal. At least I can now tick this off for the month of February. I started again today!

Seriously, they say it takes 21 days to build a habit. But no one ever shares enough how difficult it is to bounce back and pick up a habit that’s once broken. I am talking about good habits of course. I have had to deal with some things that I thought I had conquered when I used to blog more frequently. Holding back, second-guessing myself, that imposter syndrome that popped up every time I set out to share something. But hey, here we are. Owning my story and journey again. Not anymore. Hurray.

Okay, let me get into what I intended to share…

On Saturday 19 February, hubby and I attended the first of the Marriage Couch sessions hosted by our dear friends and Pastors; Anthony and Miriam Gathoni Njoroge. We thought this would be a great way to wind up the Valentine’s, growing together and bonding more. The topic was; Avoid the Drift. As I sat through the sessions, listened to the speakers share… my mind drifted off to about two years back when we had barely settled into our mission life. If you are new here, quick intro, my husband and I, with a bunch of other audacious couples planted a Vive Church in September 2019. 

During our early season of planting, we survived a major drift that almost tore us apart. We have not fully processed this with hubby because it is until recently that I acknowledged how easily we could have grown apart had it not been the hand of God holding us through the season. To everyone, including ourselves, we seemed okay. I mean, like any normal couple we had a few small issues that arose but nothing too serious to stop us from going. Inwardly though, both of us suffered a certain degree of loneliness. At this point, we were about 6 years into our marriage. The Church plant was happening. I had transitioned from formal employment, we were involved in a couple of income projects and our son was adjusting to Daycare. Life had to definitely go on. We simply did not have the time to stop.  We hardly stopped to talk, we hardly stopped to listen. It was some sort of silent chaos waiting to erupt. Thankfully, we often prayed together, even for our marriage.

Other than praying, one other thing that God allowed us to have, is a community of couples with whom we shared a purpose of unity; a desire to uphold the covenant of marriage. This allowed us to occasionally have fun, talk a little bit. These kept us going for a bit without crushing. This community of friends were all a part of The Knot; a marriage and relationships space that brought us together. One event that was held that was pivotal in changing the tide in our relationship was a Date Night that ended up stretching deep into the night giving us an opportunity to talk. I still remember the night. Dark and cold with barely any stars in the sky. We both put our walls down and for the first time in maybe two years had some uninterrupted heart to heart conversation. It was tough talk but it was a breakthrough we desperately needed to help us navigate the phase of life we were in. That night was just the beginning of many other talks to come…

You certainly must be wondering what we talked about. Hahaha… While I am not at liberty to share details, I can tell you that the conversations reminded me over and over of how different we were. We are so uniquely and wonderfully different that a failure to understand this is the start of many misunderstandings. We are wired differently, we see things differently, we have different primary needs, and we interpret things differently. It is true that when we get married, we become one. But that oneness doesn’t instantly happen. God works in us individually to bring us to that level of oneness as we each continue to acknowledge Him as Lord in our individual lives and in our marriage. What usually happens however is that we take God out of the equation especially with regards to our marriages and try to handle it all on our own. Sometimes, in the hit of disagreements, we even dare to say, ‘first leave God out of this…’ We want to feel the feelings, and think the strategies without the interruption of God. The very Being who brought us together… What a perfect recipe for disaster!

I came to learn that there’s no blessing without the Blesser. If I take God out of the equation of my marriage, then what I am saying is that I don’t want the blessing. I also grew to appreciate the concept of time in creating a legacy. Our marriage is built to last and leave a beautiful legacy. This is not an overnight or days work but rather a continuous process of refinement. Our place is to enjoy the journey of becoming the legacy God is writing through us. Ultimately we are in His hands… as we go through the mountain tops and the dips, He is the constant hand, holding us together.

Whether you are newly married, walking the journey to or have been here longer, I hope that this will give you hope through whatever situation you may find yourself in. You are not walking alone. God created marriage and He surely wants you to succeed. Last but not least, look out for firm communities to do life with. The enemy thrives in isolating people and bombarding them with all kinds of scenarios of failure. Trust me there are people who believe that marriage rocks! That’s the tribe you need! If you would like to start today, start here…

Lots of love,

Dee!

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