Are you struggling with the need to prove yourself? I’ve been there and learned a few lessons…
Let me tell you a story….
In 2018, when the leader of our household made it clear what the next phase of our life would look like, I was in a comfortable place…in a job I quite enjoyed.
Even though God had already been talking to me about the end of that season, In January 2019, I accepted a renewal of my contract which came with a promotion!
At this point in my career, I was quite the effective doer! This is why I quickly embraced my new role with all its challenges amidst all the voices of “doubting Thomases” I knew I needed to learn a few things and I approached the right people for mentorship, signed up for a couple of courses to be equipped… I was really ready and willing to do whatever it took to get me up to speed with my job. Not to mention that I am also a recovering perfectionist. Back then, it was either I am excellent or I go home😂 Plus I wanted my new leader to be sure he’d made the right decision.
However, increasingly my life became only about the role. I was hardly resting. My family was hardly seeing me. My friends, (the few I had close) could barely see me. I also hardly spent meaningful time with my hubby. I was almost always too exhausted for any fun outside work. Please remember that we had already embarked on the Church planting journey, laying the groundwork which meant that even with the little time I had, we had to prioritize it for Church. A few weeks in I was a true representation of a sad lady with a seemingly growing career.
I do understand the law of trade-off… you must give up something to gain something. In this case, I felt like I was giving up some of the most crucial parts of my life only to prove something.
I recall one of those days being so exhausted and missing weeks of personal devotion time, I finally squeezed in a few minutes to have time with God. I had a voice that I believe was God’s… He asked, “Child, Who are you trying to prove a point for?” I went back and forth in conversation with Him, hoping to convince myself😃
I had believed that I was doing it for God’s glory. I would be glorifying God through this role. But if I may be honest, it was more about me than it was about God. I wanted to prove to myself what I could do. I wanted to prove a point to my male-dominated leadership team that I could do it. I wanted to prove to the older folks that younger people also had something to bring to the table.
All these were not wrong motives but they were pointing to my glory as opposed to God’s glory and costing me a lot more than what I was chasing after.
You were not created to meet Human Expectations in order to prove your success. Even when you gain approval from people, you will not be satisfied especially if it’s out of your purpose.
Later on, I grew so weary of trying to prove a point and embraced grace for the new journey. In May 2019, I put in my notice of resignation. It wasn’t expected from many of my colleagues and a few of them were convinced I had received a better offer. They were right on one thing, no offer is better than the path God has clearly mapped out for you. Yes, it will still have twists and turns as He works on your character but you will have a peace that surpasses all human understanding to carry you through.
So if you are struggling in this area, I invite you to do a deep search by asking yourself these four questions:
1. What I’m trying to prove?
2. Who am I trying to prove this to?
3. Why do I feel the need to prove this?
4. If God were to call me home today, will I receive a well done my good and faithful servant for this very thing?
Remember; You have nothing to prove to anyone because, in Christ, God fully approves of you.